as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
