he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
