she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
