Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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