Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
