Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
