yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize