No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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