If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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