I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize