Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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