i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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