Who did Billy Mays play for?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
not ubering you a puppy
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
