so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
