am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
