No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize