Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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