There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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