I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize