I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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