I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
