He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
