he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
