Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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