I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
