I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
