Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
