In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
