Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
