i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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