Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hippo gnu deer
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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