his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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