Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Buhtt sex?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
