Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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