Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
