She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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