she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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