Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
