I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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