Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
