see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
