I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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