So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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