Having a random hookup so left but love u
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
