i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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