My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
