walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I party with great urgency now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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