like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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