im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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