the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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