I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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