My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
