I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
