we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
