I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
