phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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