im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
