I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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