We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
