We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
