a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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