I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
