other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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