Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
