Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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