I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
