I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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