You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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