Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
...so i touched it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
