apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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