Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
