I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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