I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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