i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
