he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
