matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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