I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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