I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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