she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
