Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
