just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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